My Theological Journey

My Theological Journey
Josephine Tan (English TEE MCM Student)

Theological studies were not in my bucket list. I was not going to be a pastor nor preacher. It was sufficient to hear theologies taught in workshops or seminars. ‘Not my cup of tea’, I thought. I was looking forward to easing into semi-retirement, sipping coffee at Starbucks or now that it is MCO, sipping coffee at my balcony while watching the sunset. However, as Proverbs 16:9 (KJV) says, “A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps” and He directed my steps to STM. It is strange when the Lord ‘answers’ a prayer we have not uttered, isn’t it? Little did I know He was answering the deepest cry of my heart.

It all started with the occasional STM webinars (the type where you attend a two-hour lecture and feel like a theologian already), I got addicted to them and I did not know why. Before long the Lord asked me to pursue a theological course and long story short, I signed up for the TEE (MCM) course. That was the beginning of an eye-opening journey.

I started my first course on Pneumatology and Anthropology in February 2021. I half dreaded it, expecting to memorise the texts and regurgitate them for the assignments but nothing could be further from the truth. We were taught that theology is alive and is constantly evolving to answer the GOD questions of each generation. GOD has to be re-presented because He is present and relevant and we, the theology students owe our generation that representation.

This was followed by the “Spiritual Formation & Christian Character” module in March. This course took me on a journey within and forced me to re-examine the way I have been relating to my Father. I found out that it was easy to hide behind the facade of religiosity without substance and to pretend to be someone I am not in order to gain acceptance by my peers. Most of all, this course made me fall in love again with my Lord Jesus as I learn to spend time with Him through the various spiritual disciplines.

Then in April, I immersed myself in the study of “Pastoral Leadership & Ministry” aka how to be a shepherd. As I have mentioned earlier, I had zero plans to be a pastor. I took this course because it was one of the core modules and the lecturer was my long-time friend, but I sure am glad I signed up. Through the classes and small group discussions I saw the grace of our Great Shepherd, how He loved and led. It was inspiring and motivating, almost to the point of changing my mind about not wanting to be a pastor!

Now I am a hopeless theology addict – double confirmed! Every day I talk, think, feel, dream, breathe and saturate myself with everything GOD. I then discovered that this has been my deepest heart-cry: to know GOD and make Him known. This is my dream life. Maybe it is yours too.