When We Walk With The Lord: My Personal Journey

“Way Maker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper, Light in the darkness.

My God, that is who You are.”

(Way Maker, by Osinachi “Sinach” Kalu Okoro Egbu, 2016)

 I first came to know about Jesus Christ through a deacon of the True Jesus Church in Kampar, where I grew up under the care of my grandmother for the first 14 years of my life. My life changed when I accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour in Form 1 while in the Boys’ Brigade. I was given a Bible, which I treasured and read from cover to cover with great enthusiasm.

In Form 2, I had an epileptic seizure and had to be hospitalized. Thereafter, I continued to have occasional epileptic seizures as a teenager and into adulthood. My parents took me to Hindu temples and Christian healing rallies, but I was never healed till today. Is this my “thorn in the flesh”?  I do not know. My epilepsy, however, is now under control, thanks to advancements in modern medicine.

Due to the episode in Form 2, I had to return to live in Taiping with my parents, who were strict Hindus. Living with them was a very different compared to living with my grandmother. I was the eldest in the family, with two brothers and a sister. We later moved from Taiping to Seremban.

Studying at St. Paul’s Institution in Seremban brought me in close contact with Christian teachers and friends who invited me to the Christian Fellowship. I also read my Bible at night when everyone was asleep. One night my father caught me, and he burnt the Bible the next day. After this incident, I was made to assist a Hindu priest at a shrine near our Seremban home. However, even without the Bible, I knew God listened to my prayers.

When I was in Form Six, I picked up the courage to ask my father if I could be a Christian. Imagine my feeling when he said ‘Yes’. I was baptized at Wesley Methodist Church Seremban and attended the Sunday church services as well as the weekly Methodist Youth Fellowship meetings.

We eventually moved to Kuala Lumpur in 1984. This was to be my father’s last posting; he passed away two years after his retirement in 1987. In 1987, I successfully applied for a job in the University of Malaya (UM) Library. There I got to know students in the Persatuan Kristian Varsity, some of whom later went on to become students and lecturers at STM.

In 1994, the STM Librarian at the time, Ms Voon Choon Khing, offered me a job in the STM Library. So, after eight years in the UM Library, I started work in the STM Library in January 1995. In STM, I met my late wife, Ling Hua Hiong; we married in 2000 and have two lovely daughters, Sue Ann and Ivy.

My wife Hua Hiong discovered a lump in her breast in 2012 and went for a mastectomy. Further tests after the mastectomy indicated that the tumour was not serious. However, six months later, we found that the cancer had spread to her spine and liver. At a friend’s suggestion, Hua Hiong was admitted to Beacon Hospital in Petaling Jaya for further treatment. Although the cancer in the spine was successfully treated in due course, the cancer in the liver remained. We sought various cancer treatments at Beacon Hospital, University Hospital and Selayang Hospital, but these only helped to delay the onslaught of the cancer. During this stressful period, managing the family was a difficult task for me. I had to seek treatment for anxiety, which I am still receiving till today. Through it all, God knew our struggles; He provided us emotional and financial support through family and friends.

We always made it our practice to pray before the start of each journey to the hospital for Hua Hiong’s treatment, seeking God’s protection over us. Looking back, I recall occasions when I nodded off at the wheel while driving home after her treatment. Somehow, we always made Iit home safely. I am truly filled with appreciation and thankfulness to the many persons who prayed for us, and I marvel at how the Lord graciously protected us. Hua Hiong finally lost her battle with cancer in 2017.

After losing my wife, I have had to cope with the task of raising my two daughters on my own. They have been a source of blessing to me throughout these difficult times, and their love and support have been my source of inspiration to move forward.

Sad and angry that I had lost my wife; I questioned God: Where were you? Why was there no healing? Why were You silent? Almost six years have passed and I still do not know the answers to my questions.

As I move along in life, I find comfort from this Bible verse: The [Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV)

Even though I may never know the answers to my questions, I take comfort in the truth that my God is a God of love, and He always knows what is best for us.

“Even when I don’t see it You’re working,

Even when I don’t feel it You’re working;

You never stop, You never stop working,

You never stop, You never stop working.”

(Way Maker, Sinach)

Mr P. Sakthivel | Coordinator of Research Resources